Susan wants to make me rich with cryptocurrency! Maybe you, too, if you're lucky!
She seems legit. I mean, she provides a photo on Telegram and everything!
I click every link I am sent randomly on Telegram, WhatsApp and, well, everything, especially platforms based in Russia, China and North Korea. Whenever I get an email from “Accounts Payable” with an address ending in .ru, I always open every attachment and provide all my personal information.
Just today, I was offered another get-rich-immediately opportunity.
It totally makes sense that Susan works for Vanguard and this is how the massive, old-line asset manager uses its marketing dollars. I mean, clearly traditional print media is dead as is cable news, so I can see their shifting from full page ads in the Wall Street Journal (now the People’s Tear Sheet of Leftist Green Goo-Goo Nonsense) or the ever-trustworthy New York Pravda with their memorable tagline, “All the Marxist Gibberish We See Fit to Print.”
No more of that! Now the dollars are thrown at Susan, who finds pigeons, er, customers randomly on Telegram.
It pays to be online! I mean thus far, I have sent thousands of “good faith” dollars and a bunch of cryptocurrencies to people whose phone lines and emails then go dead, which I am assured is just part of the protocol they go through while reclaiming the millions of dollars a dead uncle I never knew earned in partnership with a Nigerian prince, but long-term, baby, I’m in high cotton sipping gold-flecked gravy!
What a time to be alive!
And yet some morons will fall for this shit…hopefully lots of Gazans will use their USAID money to invest with Susan
I know a man who fell for this and lost $300,000. Last I heard, he still has not confessed to his wife. As PT Barnum famously said, there's a sucker born every minute.